After mom died, I buried myself on my books. I was crazy then for Sweet Valley Twins. I was very, very envious of the fictional family there. They stick with each other whatever happens even to their college years. I long for a family. A complete loving family.

I decided I am Elizabeth the goody two shoes one. I love the life of Lizzie but hated her at the same time. Why does she has to be blonde? Kidding aside. I was lonely. I was on the edge of insanity.

Then here comes  the tv drama, 7th heaven. I was in love with the TV series.  Again, one complete family sticking with each other through thick and thin. I long to have such strong family. Its too bad that they are on their last season now.

But reality bites. My family is nowhere near it. Mom died. Dad become a drunk. Sister took care of herself. I took care of myself. We’re both deaf from the whispers and gossips of my immidiate family. And I have one goal then. To finish school and get the hell out of there. But somehow, along the way my goals changed.

I am now returning to the home I left behind. Running away did a lot me good and I will do it again if event shall be repeated. I dealt with the problem as best as I could. I am grateful actually to my husband’s family and they welcomed me to their home. I felt I found my very own 7th heaven family then.

Now, D and I felt that we need to make our very own 7th heaven family. The kiddies I’m afraid shall have to come later, perhaps after two years time. I’m still terrified.  I couldn’t explain it. Perhaps if I babbled alot more I would be able to. *heh*

I want now the fantasy  to turn into reality. I am tried of dreaming. And I believe, we have made the forst few steps. Hurray!

I reread my entry again. I said to myself, “Tofubaby, your such a weird, weird chick. But I’m glad you are finally moving on.” I am my worst critic. I beat my mind endlessly. Sometimes, I have to restrain myself for being too hard. After all we are only human. But please don’t make all the mistakes. ok? And stop talking to yourself on the net. People will think you are weird. ^_^


12 Comments on “Fantasy”

  1. chase says:

    I love Sweet Valley. That is usually the type of books I read during highschool. I even cried on some of their stories.
    I dont have a complete family so I guess I can understand how you feel. Sometimes I just imagine myself with a complete family but reality always doesnt work that way. All we need to do is just to be strong and face all the obstacles

    Tofubaby: Thanks, chase for the encouraging words. I am doing my best. But sometimes I just want to disappear and end it all. I’m fucking tired.

  2. toni says:

    Sweet Valley. Ah, yes. Their ideal family sometimes made me feel bad about my own! It was the purrrfect family indeed:
    – a successful lawyer father who would take charge of the grill in their backyard
    – an interior designer mother who had a perfect “pageboy” cut and looked like the twins’ older sister
    – a handsome older brother who was naughty but still affectionate and protective
    – the older twin sister who was a superachiever
    – the younger twin sister who was wild and extroverted
    They all lived in a split-level house and had a golden retriever, a Spanish-tiled kitchen, a pool, lived a bike ride away from the beach… The twins had perfect boyfriends…
    Such perfection ingrained in my head! They were either so inspirational or so discouraging. I guess it depended on my mood.
    The thing that makes it all go up in smoke though is: It’s fictional. And my family, no matter how imperfect it is, is real.
    Oh thanks for reminding me about this and putting some things back in perspective for me!

    Tofubaby: You’re right about that, toni. I’m on a love-hate state on my family. I couldn’t hate them though as there are only three of us left in this world. I love my dad but hate him the same time. Its really complicated. I think I have to write about it sometime soon.

  3. Raquel says:

    Oh, I remember my high school days. I used to read “Sweet Dreams, Sweet Valley High then Mills and Boons”.
    Its nice to read about your past Tofubaby! Life has a lot of challenges, glad you keep on moving.
    Anyway, I got your link through blog hopping until I ended this page. You have a nice blog, I like the content, very well said.

    Tofubaby: Actually, i came across with your blog also through hopping. Your kid is so cute. Thanks for dropping by.

  4. Me, I fantasize I’m like a Stepford Wife. Hehehe…
    I just wanna share something. I grew up in a complete bonded family. Then suddenly, it’s on the verge of collapsing. I’m still astonished how fast it can go. But I’m coping. It’s just weird. I thought I was somehow ready for stuff like this but I was kinda caught off guard. I hate to sound preachy but praying helps a lot.

    Tofubaby: Thanks, housewife. I am praying a lot. Actually praying was the only reason I go on when I wake up before husband came. Thanks again.

  5. sexy mom says:

    am glad you are moving on now. be strong, don’t look back, dear!

    Tofubaby: Thanks, sexy mom. You’re comment always brightens my day. 🙂

  6. Shari says:

    I read Sweet Valley High when I was younger, but I didn’t look at the stories the way you did. Maybe it’s because I was more affected by the Filipino family stories I read: full of sickening drama that it’s almost amusing.
    I think it’s normal to live in a fantasy world for a while whenever something bad happens. We search for the characters which we can relate to or want to be in books, and wish we also have the same luck they have. Then, you’re right. Reality bites.
    I once ran away from my family too. And like you, it did me a lot of good, and I shall do it again if the need arises. Running away sometimes doesn’t mean JUST cowardice; it also means bravery that somehow, you’ve admitted to yourself that you’re not strong enough, or don’t want, to deal with the situation at hand. We come back when we’re ready to make everything fine and dandy. 🙂
    I wish you luck on turning the fantasy into a reality, and making your very own 7th heaven family. 😀

    Tofubaby: Thanks, Shari. I have a great news received just this morning but I don’t want to celebrate just yet. I’ll know it this coming month end. Yes!

  7. rheiboy17 says:

    i remember 7th heaven. one ideal family every one wishes to be part of…. i think there’s a similar filipino version with connie reyes as mom and janno gibb’s dad as dad (forgot his name)…. do you remember? channel 7 ata yun…

    Tofubaby: Doc, akismet got hold of your comments. Buti na lang nakita ko. Waahh.. Yup there was a Filipino version of 7th Heaven and unfortunately, I also forgot what’s the title. I love that too. Pero syempre, mas favorite ko ang original. Hehehe… 🙂

  8. rheiboy17 says:

    nagcomment na ako kanina, nasend ba? kung pangalawa na ito, ay tae!

  9. bratyfly says:

    When I feel sooooo bad, I count my blessings. And I start with my fingers, I’m so lucky I have 10. 🙂


  10. j3 says:

    its not weird to talk to one’s self. oh yea, maybe it is to people who dont understand. my therapist said its conscciously talk to ur unconscious, u can even dictate ur unconscious on things u wanna happen or do.what do you know, u might not notice changes which u have told ur unconscious to do. i mean ihave seen some changes talking to myself (of course in the confines of my room or anywhere no one is around or else they’ll really think im crazy cuz they dont understand it) for my best interest. 😀 try that, it helps
    as for family, yea, we all want a perfect family.i dont. at least ur starting to recreate ur fantasy of a good 7th heavenly like family..that is nice. wish everyone can have a perfect family…i want one, too. sigh

    Tofubaby: Thanks for the advice. Basta (I’m really stubborn you see), I’ll do my best to have a “perfect” family. Actually, 7th heaven is not that perfect. They have imperfections to. What I want actually is the support that the parents they are giving their children. I don’t get that from my dad (my mom passed away 13 years ago). I’ll see you around, j3.

  11. Random Magus says:

    Trust me you’re not wierd… I have entire screenplays running through my head. Talk about neurosis….
    Hope you don’t mind – but I tagged you in a meme. Totally okay if you don’t want to participate 😉

  12. I think I read a few of the Sweet Valley High books or it was a series that was very similar. 🙂

    I did the distancing from my family also. I didn’t talk to my immediate family for three years.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m enjoying yours. I’ll definitely be back.

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