Night Swimming

Last night, D’s family decided to take night swimming. It was planned only yesterday morning and was “unplanned” again that time. Apparently, they reconsidered and went through the plan up to the last minute last night.

Personally, I don’t want to go. A budget for swimming is not allocated in my budget plan and it will just frustrate me to go somewhere unplanned without extra cash. I am careful with cash these past few days as I don’t much.  Then D told me, not to worry. He’ll take care of my entrance fee. Great. A free outing.

Everybody chipped in. The three siblings ( D and his sibs) have agreed to pay for 2 extra persons each. The food is a treat from the sistah. 

When we arrived there, the entrance fee was a little bit higher than expected as its an overnight swimming. Then the dilemma of the cottage was brought. I don’t know what took place between the three as I was minding my own business (actually I was observing two lizards having a feast near the flourescent light). Then all of the sudden, D came back to my side very angry. He said to no one “For Php 350.00 ( about $ 7.50) they will think ill of me?”. Then the joyride started there.

We we’re all very hungry at that time so we decided to eat. Everybody’s busy. D refused to eat. I got irritated. I ate alone. The family decided, after eating, to go change clothes and hit the swimming pool. D sits stubornly. Then he asked me to buy beer. I bought two bottles.  When I came back, I was horrified that he gulp down one bottle as if its water. I grabbed the other bottle and manage to drink half of it as D grabbed it also after emptying the other one. He urged me to go swimming. I think the one and a half beer is finally getting to his system. He don’t drink alcohol. I am getting angry. I went in the swimming pool. I swam close to the cottage. I don’t trust him this time. And I was correct. He began pouring also the hard liquor his dad brought. I was loudly calling his name but he couldn’t hear me. I went out of the water and sat beside him. I asked him what he was doing. And the answer suprised me. He sounded like my father. I got worried.

He said, “I was just drinking water with Coke (Coca Cola)”.

I said, “Don’t lie. I saw you. I’ve been watching you from afar.”

The conversation by this time is now similar to a merry go round. I ask a question, he keeps repeating the answer.

He said, “Is it bad to drink when you are upset? They only call me big brother in times I could give them money without hearing a second word about it. Now that money is tight and couldn’t give them money easily, they’ll look at me as if I am a good for nothing. I am only big brother when they need something.”

Honestly, I don’t know what to say to him that time. I asked “What can we do something about it? Do they know what you feel?” But telling it to a drunk won’t do any good.

After a long, long conversation, I finally was able to have him move, even if its to the toilet.  When we arrived at the toilet, he asked why did we go there.

I told him, “Because you said you want to piss.”

He looked at me puzzled and said, “Did I say that?”. 

I want to laugh out loud. I said, “Yes, you did.”

He said, “Ok”

After three minutes, he came out and said, “I don’t need to piss. But, let me take a shower.” Then he took a shower with his clothes on.

After the shower, “What happened? Why am I wet?” I want to laugh out loud. Actually, I am already giggling and  have this big smile on my face at that time. Then the merry-go-round conversation again started.

When we got back to the cottage, I was encouraging him to go into the water. We were thinking that his drunken state would vanish after that. I couldn’t persuade him. Thanks to his cousin, he finally agreed.

Then at the stairs of the pool, he said, “Why is there a flood? Why are they swimming? The water is dirty. Our house is somewhat like this when there’s flood.” We just smiled.

There are more conversations like that after that. I won’t go more into detail as D might read this entry sometime. I am not sure how he will take it. Would he laugh at it or he would take it in a desctructive way? I am not sure anymore. I feel I don’t know him enough.

I want to take the situatuion in a funny way. Our conversation for the whole night was like a dream to me. This is the first time, D really got drunk. And I have already known him for more than ten years. He hates alcohol also. His questions and reactions are just so funny. But on the other side, I am saddened by this.

Actually, I told him ( I don’t know if he remembers ) that we would not go into an outing like this again if we are not the one who’s paying for it.  I am mad. Actually, I want to go into a rage. I am mad for doing this to him. I am mad because I feel like my dad, I am not enough for him. I am not enough for him to be strong. What if I want to breakdown too? They think I am strong. I am just a very good at hiding thoughts. I am getting tired. And I want to do something about it. That’s always been my motto. Whatever stupid thing I do today, the problem would not go away. It may even get worse. The fear of the worse is what keeps me going.  I need to think fast. I need to clear my head as well. I need to grow up.


2 Comments on “Night Swimming”

  1. aprilfoolnyc says:

    There you go again with the blog theme switching…LOL.

    Anyway, I used to be like you and D. I kept my anger inside and hoped it will disappear. But then I realized the situation was not being helped that way, so I changed my game. If I’m mad, I let them know; that gives them the chance to voice out their side, too. Sometimes it gets worse and end up in a word-war when nobody wants to take the high road. But hey, if you can’t win ’em all, at least you get to vent off that steam.

  2. tofubaby says:

    @April – I love blog theme switching. Finally somebody noticed. 🙂 I used to do that all the time on my former site changing themes sometimes 3x aday. It actually reflects my mood. Indecision, confusion and want for a change.

    Anyway, someitmes I am having a hard time with D with his attitude towards anger. Sometimes, when he’s mad, he just tell the person. Sometimes he won’t and have this self-pity attitude. I am confused. Don’t get me wrong, D is a very kind person. He’s actually the one who taught me to be giving and all. I am the evil one. I am the one who balances and think more of selfish acts. But what I see is that, he just need to be appreciated and family don’t have that kind of culture. I do try my best to give that to him but I guess, hearing it from family is different. He half of his life thinking about them and gets nothing in return.

    I like your approach though. When you get mad, you tell them. My problem with it, I would rather smack the person down than have a word-war. Rather violent, don’t you think? Anyway, wish us the best. I’m not sure if the situation is already over. Thanks again. 🙂

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