Another LessonPosted: April 16, 2007
On my last post, I had this “wishful thinking” that I had no consciense. Then I came across this book I bought yesterday, The Beautiful Balance of Body and Soul by Cynthia Culp Allen and Charity Allen Winters. Then it suddenly hit me. What was I thinking?
I will not go into full detail about the books content. But it was really helpful to me as I was very down these couple of weeks.
A couple of weeks ago, somebody I learned to care about hurt my (our) feelings (intentionally or unintentionally, I don’t know), and I lost enthusiasm with my social life, business and other stuffs. I was sad because I was trying my best to solve the problem where everybody would be happy. I already told her to wait a little longer. But she couldn’t wait. She had to have it. She said I need to do something about it no matter what. Her action startled me. I was shocked. I said to myself then, I have to solve it so I could cut the ties. I’m not proud of it but I solved the problem. Unfortunately, I have to lie, even if its a white one, to other people. I have to add another list on my loans that I was trying to clean out. My allotment for house renovation was also given to that person. She said before that she will not pressure us when we asked for the plan, then all of the sudden, she pressed hard out of nowhere. I became sad and my husband angry. We are doing the business because we want to help her. She presented herself as somebody we could count on. But I guess she have to save herself. I fully understand. But I know something’s wrong. I feel different.
Then I came across the word bitter on the book. Is that what I am feeling? Why? I couldn’t fully understand.
Earlier, we had a talk with one of our old friends. We have a problem with one of our friends as we feel we are hurt by his actions. I know the best approach for this is to talk to him ( the problem friend) face to face. But, I also lost faith in him. Its the nth time he did not show ANY care with our friendship. And to think that he calls my husband best friend. You see, he was committed to us to work part time. We are an active member of an international business. We were very patient with him as we try our very best to train him. At first, we are turning a blind eye on his attitude. We are not really minding his lack of self-motivation which is essential to the business. He needs also to have a genuine interest to help other people. To make money because of the business is not the way it works. Then the friend of ours (the one we are talking to earlier) offered him a partime job. Actually, we are happy. What we are “complaining” about is that he didn’t bother to mak e a short talk to us that “Hey, G gave me a job. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do our business as much as I need to.” Again, he left us in mid-air. He’s always there when he needs us, but now, simple things like that, he takes it for granted. We are tired. G, D and I agreed that the best step here is to let him go. He have to learn a lot of things on his own even though its a harder road.
I’ve always known that its bad to talk ill of others. But sometimes I couldn’t help it.
As the book reminds me, beauty should not be in physical appearance only. Body and soul should be beautiful. I am afraid I have been neglecting the soul part. Anyway, they have given a few feminized samples from Proverbs about one’s mouth and I like to share them with you.
She who restrains her words has knowledge (17:27)
A fool’s mouth is her ruin,
And her lips are the snare of her soul (18:7)
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,
But she who restrains her lips is wise (10:19)
The one who guards her mouth preserves her life;
The one who opens wide her lips comes to ruin ( 13:3)
Death and life are in the power of the tounge,
And she who loves it will eat its fruit ( 18:21 )
Then, I remember something that I am not very proud of. I have said to myself before that I don’t like gossips. People have the rights to their privacy and opinions and decisions and we should not talk about them behind their back. If they did something that is immoral in our standards, its their life. I am sure they know the consequences. Anyway, I broke my own law. I have spoken to somebody something that I only heard and not really sure about a person and I felt terrible. The girl is nice to me. I am not really sure that she did was I heard she is doing but I stabbed her in the back. Actually, I couldn’t look straight to the girl’s eyes anymore. I am ashamed. I promised to myself (hope that I will not brake it) that I will never ever again be involved in company gossip.